"My intelligence is like a machete in the jungle. One swipe and I'll be through."
Well… it’s been a while. I’m very happy to report that my absence is in fact owing to a full-time writing job, ironic as it may seem. I’m now the (immensely) proud occupier of a copywriter role where all day is spent jotting, editing, subbing, re-writing, re-ordering,re-wording and generally saying things far more succinctly than I ever thought I would.
However that’s another blog. Tonight it’s about the Apprentice. There’s always frenzied chat about the previous night’s episode with my friends, so a weekly blog on the goings-on seemed like a good excuse for a regular scribble – as well as a fun creative writing task, certainly if previous contestants are anything to go by.
And as it turns out, they are. So off-put was I by the spurious hubris of the contestants (whose names I shan’t pretend to remember at this stage) that I took to Twitter, mere moments in. Funnily enough I was late; the judging had begun.
Yeah I know, it’s a TV show, it’s entertainment and it’s certainly at the stage in the season that we’re being force-fed the ramblings of the oh-so arrogant salesman. Ramblings which seem more likely these days to be penned by hopeful producers than the contestants themselves. But still, part of me thinks, ‘Oh, it’s the BBC, and it’s a business programme’ so there’s still hope of engaging, intelligent insight… As the series goes on, I think that certainly feels truer. As it is, the first few weeks bulge with tasteless ties, egos, one-liners, heavy eye make-up – and in this series, alarming eyebrows… from the boys.
The first task wasn’t particularly interesting – but then is it often? It’s generally sell or buy (then again that’s the business world I guess), although I do like the more creative tasks; so much more can go wrong and these episodes beautifully portray just how unoriginal their thought-processes actually are… I’m already looking forward to that episode this season.
This week though, I was struck by the differences between the men and women – certainly in terms of how they behave as a group. The boys seem like a mixed bag. And a noisy one at that. The cacophonous arguing and batting back and forth of opinions as to how best approach the task actually resulted in an unorganised mess. No change there then. The leader himself lost his voice pretty early on. I think he’ll need to abandon the Oxbridge condescension to make it through the next few weeks. That said about our testosterone-fuelled bunch, their shrewd business approach - albeit individually – did win them the task. Whatever it was, it was certainly not a meticulously planned team effort.
Conversely, the girls revelled in organisation – the dividing of tasks, the very public allocating of responsibilities and the frequent ‘How am I doings?’ from the team leader. ‘Communication’ was everywhere. But that didn't work either. For all that it was part of their process, it was more lip service than anything else. No doubt our team leader ‘Jazz’ was asking how she was doing so she could pounce, cat-like, on her fellow teammates when they attempt to discredit her in the boardroom, casting up any positive remarks made upon her leadership skills, and fundamentally earning her place in the next episode. I hope The Apprentice has not lost its charm as contestants continue to play the system, rather than one another.
So episode one didn’t blow me away, but it was fun and entertaining and the producers seem to have rallied a group of suitably unpleasant, arrogant suits to keep us all watching over the next couple of months. Here’s to hoping for some meatier tasks and unexpected twists during its course.
